Help requested *makes puppy-dog eyes*

[snorkackcatcher]

My fic Honour Amongst Thieves has a slight problem (well, it may have several not-so-slight problems too, of course, but never mind that for the moment) -- it contains a character called Sir Henry Montague, a fifteenth-century ghost who talks in cod Olde Englishe. This is because of my pitiful lack of understanding of real fifteenth-century usage, and the resulting dialogue certainly made some reviewers wince.

I was thinking of submitting the fic to Checkmated, but before I do -- is anyone on my flist familiar with the contemporary literature, and if so would they be willing to knock Sir Henry's dozen or so lines of dialogue into some kind of shape? I'd like it to not make English lit experts ROTFL, but still sound amusingly archaic to the rest of us. :)

Lyrics: The last one was of course Loretta Lynn's Coal Miner's Daughter from 1970, as lupinslittlesis and octobersnow noticed.

Something completely different (that played every weekend at the student union nightclub when I was at uni :D):

With the lights out it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us (1990s)

Comments

[jellybellys.livejournal.com]

Niiiiirvana! YES! "Smells like Teen Spirit." One of the best songs ever. ;o)

[virginia-bell.livejournal.com]

That song generally owned my soul a little while back after stumbling upon it rather randomly.

It is, of course, Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit"!

[octobersnow.livejournal.com]

So, I recognized this one too. (It's begining to disturb me how many I can recognize, because normally I wouldn't be able to tell you even if you threatened to cut off my toe.)

However, my thought process to get to this answer might amuse you. "Sex and Candy?... No, that's not it. Hrm, Middle School/Early High School...Why am I remembering discussions about deodorant? BINGO that's it! 'Smells like Teen Spirit'" I always associate that song with the horrid deoderant that was popular at that time, and, as I've never analysed the lyrics, that may be for a good reason. ;)

Sorry I can't help with the Old English, I'm bad enough with Modern English.

[sugarannie.livejournal.com]

I don't know any old English, sorry,
but hey, yeah, a song I know...Smells Like Teen Spirit. Once I had to write an exam in my music course on that, and our teacher used a wrong system to grade because he was ill, so everyone got an A on that exam :D
I also knew "Where Is The Love" some time back, but somehow didn't get around to comment on it...

[lazy-neutrino.livejournal.com]

I'd like it to not make English lit experts ROTFL, but still sound amusingly archaic to the rest of us. :)

Difficult line to walk, isn't it?!

[snorkackcatcher]

Yes, but I'm hoping there's some literary hero/ine out there who can do it. :)

[dreamer-marie.livejournal.com]

I have the same problem with Nicholas Flamel in my WIP. Maybe you can ask a_t_rain or tree_and_leaf? They're both on my flist. If you don't know them, I can introduce you.

[lareinenoire.livejournal.com]

If you can´t find anyone else, I´m happy to give it a try -- though given my current computerless state, it may take a few days extra.

And the song is Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana. Takes me back to my very short grunge phase...

[snorkackcatcher]

Indeed it is!

[snorkackcatcher]

Correct. :)

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

I'd be happy to fifteenth-century-pick, but my life is going to be insanely busy until Tuesday or so. I could do it after that, though.

[snorkackcatcher]

Heh. That's one way to get there, anyway. (I'm not sure the lyrics actually do make sense, mind you!)

[snorkackcatcher]

Yeah, they were the ones who tried to explain before, but I didn't quite grasp it. :) Still, at least with Flamel you speak modern-day French and most of your audience probably don't, so perhaps you could get away with it that way. :)

[snorkackcatcher]

Oh great, thanks! I remember you tried to explain when I posted at omniocular, but I think it went a bit over my head. :)

There's no particular rush -- I know how busy you are. I can't submit this anyway until Toujours Pur has either been rejected or has picked up a Checkmated beta, and on their usual form that could easily take 3-4 weeks.

[snorkackcatcher]

That's the one. :) And I'll definitely take you up on that if I need to!

[jellybellys.livejournal.com]

What? You think "an albino, a mosquito" doesn't make sense?! ;o)

[snorkackcatcher]

Depends on your recent chemical intake. :)

[snorkackcatcher]

That's the one. An exam on grunge in a music course sounds rather cool. :)

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

OK -- e-mail me whenever it's ready, and I'll give it a look.

[snorkackcatcher]

Thanks.