Help requested *makes puppy-dog eyes*

[snorkackcatcher]

My fic Honour Amongst Thieves has a slight problem (well, it may have several not-so-slight problems too, of course, but never mind that for the moment) -- it contains a character called Sir Henry Montague, a fifteenth-century ghost who talks in cod Olde Englishe. This is because of my pitiful lack of understanding of real fifteenth-century usage, and the resulting dialogue certainly made some reviewers wince.

I was thinking of submitting the fic to Checkmated, but before I do -- is anyone on my flist familiar with the contemporary literature, and if so would they be willing to knock Sir Henry's dozen or so lines of dialogue into some kind of shape? I'd like it to not make English lit experts ROTFL, but still sound amusingly archaic to the rest of us. :)

Lyrics: The last one was of course Loretta Lynn's Coal Miner's Daughter from 1970, as lupinslittlesis and octobersnow noticed.

Something completely different (that played every weekend at the student union nightclub when I was at uni :D):

With the lights out it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us (1990s)