Commentary: NTLJ chapter 21
Dec. 20th, 2005 07:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snorkackcatcherCommentary meme thing: for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lazy_neutrino who requested a commentary on a chapter of NTLJ -- as it happens, chapter 21 (Defence Against the Dark Arts) was one of the few chapters it was possible to comment on without giving too much away, since much of it is an alternate POV of the World Cup campsite riot scene in GoF. Still, it did give me a chance to talk about some of the structural choices as well.
This was a sequence that got rather out of hand; as best I can recall, the original plan was that it would all fit into a couple of chapters, contain a particular meeting with the Hallendales, and give me a chance to link the story to the books. As it happened, it spread over five longish chapters at CoS and (with a little compaction and adjusted chapter breaks) four at FA; this was probably because I just started writing it on a sort of "now then, what would happen next?" basis and it grew and grew.
Some specific comments:
Ah yes, Rhiannon Davies and Donnacha O'Gregan. In the first draft of what became chapter 5, I gave O'Gregan those couple of throwaway jokes about his estranged wife (not even original ones -- they were shamelessly ripped off from Emo Philips and Jackie Mason). I hadn't really intended his situation to be any more than something that would get an occasional mention for comedy value. Then, as I wrote, I brought Rhiannon over to banter with them both and say the feeder line about how nice his girlfriend was. By the time I got to the end, I thought "actually, it would make an amusing exit line if she said she was the girlfriend and Tonks hadn't realised, seems to work".
And in such a casual manner was a subplot born. :) And a good thing too, because it gave the two characters something to do in the story as characters, other than as part of the Auror background. O'Gregan's wife also came in handy for one or two small plot uses later on, and had/will have a couple of scenes onstage.
Claymore -- ah, a missed opportunity I lament. By the time I realised 'Scrimgeour' was probably the Auror boss, not just a random senior guy, it was too late to change. A shame, and if I try to get this accepted at SQ I might do that switch I talked about.
That line was purely because I liked the idea of O'Gregan singing Galway Bay, and was trying desperately to give it some sort of point.
This sequence was the first vaguely romantic scene that I tried to write. I cringe less when writing them now, having had a bit of practice at doing so -- but I still cringe. They're definitely not my long suit.
I have no problem with Catholic wizards however, which is why I threw that in ...
I wanted to have the idea of a magical wedding contract, but it struck me that maybe it could be something an Auror could get out of. Hence the legal add-on ...
The original CoS version had several paragraphs of utter crap leading up to this. A wise choice to get rid of it, I think.
This was originally a chapter break, not a scene break. It worked better as such, but I couldn't manipulate the chapters to a roughly equal length if it was. I do quite like the contrast between the preceding badinage and the sudden horror, however.
I didn't want her to be too blasé about this development, especially given the version of her history in this fic, or to turn into Super!Tonks, but I didn't see why she would be scared out of her wits either. In canon, she seems to handle herself pretty well in fights (indeed, if she didn't, she probably wouldn't have got the job). So I pitched her reaction here and later as a short initial burst of terror that taps into her deep fears, followed by anger and professional coping. The feedback it got suggests that it seemed about right.
In fact, it's been tricky to get the balance with Tonks in this story in general, not just in this scene. On the one hand, she's obviously talented since she's an Auror, and the Metamorphmagus power is just begging to be used as a plot element. On the other hand, she's the most junior Auror, so she really shouldn't be running rings around her far more experienced colleagues. On the gripping hand, she's the lead character in a third person limited POV story, so somehow most of the important stuff has to be done by her or at least happen in her presence.
This has meant that a fair number of Handy Coincidences happen around her -- but hey, if anyone had fierce objections to that as a plot device, I imagine they wouldn't have been keen enough on the HP books to read Potterverse fanfic, would they?
In this sequence (and elsewhere, such as her NEWT grades) I was trying to play it down the middle. She's talented, she's competent, in fact she's easily better than average, but others are better. It's why she's not a team leader here.
I didn't have any clear plan for what would happen exactly in this scene, as opposed to what Tonks' reaction would be. It was one of the many scenes where I just sort of started writing and tried to imagine what would happen, and let things run on as 'felt right'. That meant the original CoS version was rather diffuse -- one of the advantages of re-editing for FA is that the break before doing so gives me time to realise that and tighten things up.
The shield charm ring was my explanation for why the Ministry were having trouble stopping the marchers (in addition to any worries they may have had about letting the Roberts family fall).
Actually, it's Bill Weasley getting his arm injury, of course -- a nod to canon. Williamson's ponytail came in handy as a reason why Tonks might notice this incident.
Nott Senior. An early idea when brainstorming things that could go into the fic, and a little aside inserted into an earlier chapter to be referred to here. Should probably have been cut, though, as it wasn't going anywhere (we know he didn't get arrested).
In retrospect after OotP, it seemed odd that the group who arrived in the wood near the Trio were Ministry officials like Crouch, Arthur, and Amos Diggory, instead of a bunch of Aurors. Of course, the explanation for that is the meta-reason: JKR needed those characters there for the scene to play out as it needed to for the plot. This was my attempt at constructing an in-story explanation for why that happened.
OK, I lied about her not being a team leader -- albeit only accidentally so. Still, as an Auror she's the natural second-in-command here. I had the security teams as mostly amateur -- which seemed to fit the general impression from the books, even if I was making up the details.
The re-edited less clunky version of this rather necessary few lines describing her reactions. Poppleford, as the oldest, seemed more likely to be strongly affected by it than Chesney.
It was surprisingly tricky to 'forget' that this was coming up when writing the earlier stuff. This occurred to me as seeming like the sort of thing an Auror might conclude at the time, even though we know she was wrong.
I'd imagine they wouldn't have been in the mood to distinguish one wizard from another at this point. This sort of thing is one of the nastier and undertreated implications of the books.
Again, I was trying to remember to forget -- because at this point it shouldn't be at all clear what was happening to anyone who wasn't in that glade with Harry & Co.
Speculative, but seemed to fit.
You can imagine that's just the sort of thing the slimy bastard would do, can't you?
I sort of considered making Tonks and Kingsley a team, but I thought it would be more 'realistic' if they weren't immediate friends -- because there's no reason they should know they're going to be Order colleagues at this point, or even that there is an Order of the Phoenix. (Same thing with Remus, only even more so, if I eventually include that scene.)
So I decided that Kingsley, as the man in charge of the hunt for Sirius, should be highly suspicious of Tonks to start with. He starts to change his mind when he gets the letter from Dumbledore (which happens offstage, although I threw in a hint that something had happened) and eventually comes round fully when he sees Tonks in action here.
Unfortunately, that meant that the only other Auror who gets much screentime in the books doesn't get more than a few scenes here. Oh well.
That single earring (ear unspecified) did make me wonder if JKR was setting Kingsley up as the "Token Gay Character We Aren't Told About Because We Never See Him In A Sexual Situation". (I hope not -- that could well be construed as a bit too much tokenism.)
Since his preferences are completely irrelevant to the plot of NTLJ, I threw in a couple of ambiguous hints -- on the reasoning that if he turned out to be gay in HBP, I could point to them and claim a good call; or if he turned out to have a wife and six kids, I could explain that the lines didn't have to be taken in a slashy way. :) As it happened, of course, he only got one offscreen mention. (Mind you, I suspect that the various 'throwaway' mentions in that first chapter contain a number of interesting bits of setup for Book 7 plotlines.)
This bit appeared as the chapter was being written. It seemed to fit though (even if it was a little clichéd) and provided a chapter title.
Chesney's role in this story is 'lightning rod'. I didn't want to be bothered with suggestions that I should pair Tonks off with whatever canon character people wanted to pair her off with (because a previous affair with anyone we knew about seemed an unlikely dynamic given OotP) -- but neither did I want to suggest that she was a somehow sexless. Hence the introduction of an OC boyfriend and a fun, not especially serious relationship that could be assumed to have broken up by any time made necessary by canon, and at the latest by the beginning of OotP.
He was meant to be a rather smoother character originally -- but as I may have mentioned elsewhere, at first I gave him a different surname, that of someone I knew at Uni randomly pulled out of the air. Naturally, the personality of the chap concerned (a lovely bloke but a bit hapless) started to take Chesney over ... I switched the surname in a desperate attempt to stop this process, but it didn't really work.
That being said, he did get worked into the plot in a few places. Although when I started this I actually wanted to have a number of characters wander on and play scenes without having a role on the plot later, on the grounds that it would seem more realistic, I've ended up trying to refer back to them on the grounds that it works better in the context of a story.
Actually, as of chapter 33 (just posted at CoS) he's now a canon character with a line or two -- I was idly flicking through the OotP St Mungo's scene and saw something that I couldn't resist writing in a reference to. ;)
Ah yes, the 'why me' don't-want-to-be-unkind play-for-time kind of reaction to being asked out. Other fellows of my acquaintance with whom I have discussed this sort of thing concur that a simple 'No' is really far easier to take and less galling. :D
Of course, the answer here has to be 'OK then' for plot reasons ... It is lousy timing on Chesney's part, but then it was lousy timing on the author's part too. I just couldn't find another place to work it in that gave them time to get to know each other enough to spark an interest before he asked. And anyway -- as we now know, Tonks maybe isn't too fussed about whether situations constitute bad timing or not. :)
I considered having Tonks be part of the group who Apparated into the wood, but I couldn't square it with the "ooh, he looks just like I thought he would" line at Privet Drive. And it would have given her too much 'focus' in the central canon story, and if she had been there it would probably have been mentioned in OotP anyway. So I made what was on balance a very good decision to have her out on the campsite instead. However, I couldn't resist having some mention worked in -- hence Rhiannon Davies was despatched there. I imagine that the summary of events really would sound bizarre to an Auror who wasn't there.
A tricky chapter to finish -- this line seemed as good a way as any.
lazy_neutrino who requested a commentary on a chapter of NTLJ -- as it happens, chapter 21 (Defence Against the Dark Arts) was one of the few chapters it was possible to comment on without giving too much away, since much of it is an alternate POV of the World Cup campsite riot scene in GoF. Still, it did give me a chance to talk about some of the structural choices as well.This was a sequence that got rather out of hand; as best I can recall, the original plan was that it would all fit into a couple of chapters, contain a particular meeting with the Hallendales, and give me a chance to link the story to the books. As it happened, it spread over five longish chapters at CoS and (with a little compaction and adjusted chapter breaks) four at FA; this was probably because I just started writing it on a sort of "now then, what would happen next?" basis and it grew and grew.
Some specific comments:
"Oh, stuff this," said Rhiannon finally, voicing the general opinion to the relief of the others. "Will, Ches, you can go back if you like -- we'll talk in the morning. Tonks, I'm going to see if I can find Donnie, want to come along?" There was an unspoken just to make sure he's not getting into any trouble Claymore will hear about, and Tonks nodded as the other two disappeared gratefully.
Ah yes, Rhiannon Davies and Donnacha O'Gregan. In the first draft of what became chapter 5, I gave O'Gregan those couple of throwaway jokes about his estranged wife (not even original ones -- they were shamelessly ripped off from Emo Philips and Jackie Mason). I hadn't really intended his situation to be any more than something that would get an occasional mention for comedy value. Then, as I wrote, I brought Rhiannon over to banter with them both and say the feeder line about how nice his girlfriend was. By the time I got to the end, I thought "actually, it would make an amusing exit line if she said she was the girlfriend and Tonks hadn't realised, seems to work".
And in such a casual manner was a subplot born. :) And a good thing too, because it gave the two characters something to do in the story as characters, other than as part of the Auror background. O'Gregan's wife also came in handy for one or two small plot uses later on, and had/will have a couple of scenes onstage.
Claymore -- ah, a missed opportunity I lament. By the time I realised 'Scrimgeour' was probably the Auror boss, not just a random senior guy, it was too late to change. A shame, and if I try to get this accepted at SQ I might do that switch I talked about.
"For the strangers came and tried to teach us their way, They scorned us just for bein' what we are, But they might as well go chasin' after moon beams, Or light a penny candle from a star ..."
"Muggle-borns," muttered Rhiannon, giggling; she'd apparently met them before.
That line was purely because I liked the idea of O'Gregan singing Galway Bay, and was trying desperately to give it some sort of point.
He turned to look at her, swaying slightly, and stopped singing. The others carried right on. "Rhiannon me darlin'!" he cried. "My love! The only woman in the world for me! I could never ignore you!" He dropped the bottle, scooped her up, and kissed her with such enthusiasm that it actually drew cheers from the singers. She made a face at Tonks with a sort of resigned amusement, but didn't seem particularly displeased.
This sequence was the first vaguely romantic scene that I tried to write. I cringe less when writing them now, having had a bit of practice at doing so -- but I still cringe. They're definitely not my long suit.
"Well ... sweet, I suppose? Sweet on each other anyway. So why doesn't he get a divorce and make an honest woman of you? Well, as honest as you're ever going to get, anyway. Because he's Catholic? Because his wife is?"
"No, he's quite liberal-minded on that."
I have no problem with Catholic wizards however, which is why I threw that in ...
"Can't you find a counter-jinx?"
Rhiannon scowled. "Of course. Except it's illegal to break a magical contract. So if he does, she goes to the Wizarding Registry with the contract and gets him arrested, they give him a huge fine and he loses his job. Great, eh?"
I wanted to have the idea of a magical wedding contract, but it struck me that maybe it could be something an Auror could get out of. Hence the legal add-on ...
"Oh well," Tonks said. "So, your boyfriend was a complete idiot. It happens."
The original CoS version had several paragraphs of utter crap leading up to this. A wise choice to get rid of it, I think.
They burst out laughing as they approached the tent, waving to the other two who were waiting outside for them, still discussing the match. When they heard the first bang!, Tonks winced, but assumed it was just overenthusiastic Irish supporters continuing to make a nuisance of themselves. Then the sounds of laughter and singing stopped suddenly as if a volume control had been turned down, giving way to momentary silence. And after that, screams began to break out from all over the campsite.
This was originally a chapter break, not a scene break. It worked better as such, but I couldn't manipulate the chapters to a roughly equal length if it was. I do quite like the contrast between the preceding badinage and the sudden horror, however.
... she felt a sudden deep chill throughout her body [...] It was almost incomprehensible after all this time, but the modus operandi was still familiar to an Auror, and too much so to anyone who remembered the war. They could only be Death Eaters.
For a moment, Tonks couldn't quite handle the mixture of reactions that sprang from this realisation; nausea, disgust, and such intense anger that she was actually shaking with rage. Overlaying this, however, was a nauseating feeling of cold terror that she struggled to fight down, as it swelled up unexpectedly from some deep place within her.
I didn't want her to be too blasé about this development, especially given the version of her history in this fic, or to turn into Super!Tonks, but I didn't see why she would be scared out of her wits either. In canon, she seems to handle herself pretty well in fights (indeed, if she didn't, she probably wouldn't have got the job). So I pitched her reaction here and later as a short initial burst of terror that taps into her deep fears, followed by anger and professional coping. The feedback it got suggests that it seemed about right.
It took a frozen couple of seconds before Tonks was able to angrily remind herself that she wasn't ten years old any more. As she approached the advancing Death Eaters she let her Auror training take over, readying herself for a fight and looking for the members of her squad, scattered in the riot. It was, of course, precisely the kind of situation the training was designed for, to help Aurors cope without having to consciously think what to do. As she got nearer, she began to assess the situation.
In fact, it's been tricky to get the balance with Tonks in this story in general, not just in this scene. On the one hand, she's obviously talented since she's an Auror, and the Metamorphmagus power is just begging to be used as a plot element. On the other hand, she's the most junior Auror, so she really shouldn't be running rings around her far more experienced colleagues. On the gripping hand, she's the lead character in a third person limited POV story, so somehow most of the important stuff has to be done by her or at least happen in her presence.
This has meant that a fair number of Handy Coincidences happen around her -- but hey, if anyone had fierce objections to that as a plot device, I imagine they wouldn't have been keen enough on the HP books to read Potterverse fanfic, would they?
In this sequence (and elsewhere, such as her NEWT grades) I was trying to play it down the middle. She's talented, she's competent, in fact she's easily better than average, but others are better. It's why she's not a team leader here.
The Death Eaters were moving slowly but steadily across the campsite in close formation, with a central group keeping the Muggles in the air. They were well protected by a ring of wands, with wizards around the edge casting Blasting Spells to clear their path, and (to judge from the way the spells cast by the security teams were bouncing off) putting up a complete perimeter of defensive Shield Charms.
I didn't have any clear plan for what would happen exactly in this scene, as opposed to what Tonks' reaction would be. It was one of the many scenes where I just sort of started writing and tried to imagine what would happen, and let things run on as 'felt right'. That meant the original CoS version was rather diffuse -- one of the advantages of re-editing for FA is that the break before doing so gives me time to realise that and tighten things up.
The shield charm ring was my explanation for why the Ministry were having trouble stopping the marchers (in addition to any worries they may have had about letting the Roberts family fall).
A tall ponytailed wizard, unable to get out of the way in time, fell to the ground clutching his arm with a yell of pain. Tonks winced; it wasn't easy to tell in the dim light, but the top of the man's shirt suddenly looked much darker, as if a lot of blood had spread over it. For one horrible moment she thought it might be Williamson; but in the next flash of light she spotted him about fifty yards away with his own squad.
Actually, it's Bill Weasley getting his arm injury, of course -- a nod to canon. Williamson's ponytail came in handy as a reason why Tonks might notice this incident.
As she looked away, however, a tall, skinny figure in the second rank caught her eye. There was something about his stride ...
Nott Senior. An early idea when brainstorming things that could go into the fic, and a little aside inserted into an earlier chapter to be referred to here. Should probably have been cut, though, as it wasn't going anywhere (we know he didn't get arrested).
Tonks noticed two groups forming some hundred yards away around Dawlish and Crouch, who seemed to be the only ones with any idea of what to do. Crouch was apparently gathering together all the Ministry officials he could find; Tonks recognised Theodosia Moon, head of the Apparition Test Centre, looking rather frazzled in a long woollen dressing-gown; a man with thinning hair she'd seen pass through the office many times on his way to work; and a bearded wizard who, from his appearance, had to be Will Poppleford's boss. Dawlish was calling loudly for squad leaders to come and consult with him.
In retrospect after OotP, it seemed odd that the group who arrived in the wood near the Trio were Ministry officials like Crouch, Arthur, and Amos Diggory, instead of a bunch of Aurors. Of course, the explanation for that is the meta-reason: JKR needed those characters there for the scene to play out as it needed to for the plot. This was my attempt at constructing an in-story explanation for why that happened.
Tonks looked at Chesney and Poppleford, who were obviously waiting for her to issue instructions. She groaned inwardly; since when did I become Sergeant Tonks? On the other hand, she had to give them the appearance of knowing what she was doing.
OK, I lied about her not being a team leader -- albeit only accidentally so. Still, as an Auror she's the natural second-in-command here. I had the security teams as mostly amateur -- which seemed to fit the general impression from the books, even if I was making up the details.
The screams, which had almost died down now that most people had reached the safety of the woods, suddenly broke out again louder than ever from all around. She heard Poppleford make a choking sound, and looked up.
Not only was she chasing ghosts from the past, it seemed they were coming to chase her.
She'd imagined that she'd faced the worst of her long-buried childhood nightmares tonight. She'd forgotten there was still one left.
It was now much easier to see what was going on around the campsite, because it was bathed in a sickly green light rising from a shape above the wood. Light from an actual, authentic, still nightmarish, but frighteningly real Dark Mark.
The re-edited less clunky version of this rather necessary few lines describing her reactions. Poppleford, as the oldest, seemed more likely to be strongly affected by it than Chesney.
She reeled. She'd never even considered the possibility of a flank attack, never suspected that someone might be waiting in the trees unseen and unsuspected, never realised that they could pounce on the fleeing campers and kill at their leisure.
It was surprisingly tricky to 'forget' that this was coming up when writing the earlier stuff. This occurred to me as seeming like the sort of thing an Auror might conclude at the time, even though we know she was wrong.
They [the Roberts family] hit the ground hard, but not badly enough to break bones; and lay there white-faced, exhausted, and trembling, shying away from the mediwizards who rushed up with wands ready to check them for injuries.
I'd imagine they wouldn't have been in the mood to distinguish one wizard from another at this point. This sort of thing is one of the nastier and undertreated implications of the books.
She turned to him; both he and Poppleford looked as shaken by the recent events as she felt. Tonks glanced around; she had absolutely no idea what was going on, and didn't like the feeling one bit.
Again, I was trying to remember to forget -- because at this point it shouldn't be at all clear what was happening to anyone who wasn't in that glade with Harry & Co.
The Ministry quickly arranged a central information point where people could inquire about missing loved ones; but trying to account for tens of thousands of people rapidly became a nightmare, especially as many spoke little or no English, and many more had Disapparated away and were unlikely to return when they had no idea whether or not it was safe to do so. And they had to organise sleeping accommodation for the remainder of the night for people whose tents had been destroyed, or alternatively Portkeys away from the site to places where they could find a bed, or transport back to their homes.
Speculative, but seemed to fit.
Tonks scowled as she heard Lucius Malfoy's drawling voice in the background, oozing sympathy and offering his luxury tent for the cause.
You can imagine that's just the sort of thing the slimy bastard would do, can't you?
She watched him; he seemed to be trying to make his mind up about something. "What's the matter?" she repeated. "Er, Kingsley?"
"Nothing, as such ..." He studied her face for a moment, then shrugged. "I just saw you here and ... well, came over to apologise, actually."
I sort of considered making Tonks and Kingsley a team, but I thought it would be more 'realistic' if they weren't immediate friends -- because there's no reason they should know they're going to be Order colleagues at this point, or even that there is an Order of the Phoenix. (Same thing with Remus, only even more so, if I eventually include that scene.)
So I decided that Kingsley, as the man in charge of the hunt for Sirius, should be highly suspicious of Tonks to start with. He starts to change his mind when he gets the letter from Dumbledore (which happens offstage, although I threw in a hint that something had happened) and eventually comes round fully when he sees Tonks in action here.
Unfortunately, that meant that the only other Auror who gets much screentime in the books doesn't get more than a few scenes here. Oh well.
He looked away, apparently at something on the other side of the campsite; but his eyes didn't seem focused on it. "Actually, You-Know-Who sent some of his crowd to the family of ... a good friend of mine. He was in at the time, as it happened. I arrived there, all unknowing, just in time to find the Aurors sealing the place off and that ... that Mark floating over the house."
That single earring (ear unspecified) did make me wonder if JKR was setting Kingsley up as the "Token Gay Character We Aren't Told About Because We Never See Him In A Sexual Situation". (I hope not -- that could well be construed as a bit too much tokenism.)
Since his preferences are completely irrelevant to the plot of NTLJ, I threw in a couple of ambiguous hints -- on the reasoning that if he turned out to be gay in HBP, I could point to them and claim a good call; or if he turned out to have a wife and six kids, I could explain that the lines didn't have to be taken in a slashy way. :) As it happened, of course, he only got one offscreen mention. (Mind you, I suspect that the various 'throwaway' mentions in that first chapter contain a number of interesting bits of setup for Book 7 plotlines.)
"You remember how you had to learn to deal with Boggarts in ... oh, about third or fourth year?" He nodded. "Well, mine was always a Dark Mark hovering over the bodies of my parents. Even then, after the war was well and truly over." She chuckled, rather mirthlessly. "By then, all my classmates had settled down to nice normal fears, like giant cobras or rogue dragons or being trapped in a burning building. Not me, Little Miss Stuck-in-the-Past though. Pathetic, isn't it?"
This bit appeared as the chapter was being written. It seemed to fit though (even if it was a little clichéd) and provided a chapter title.
"You wouldn't care to, er, meet up somewhere?" He looked at her hopefully.
Tonks blinked. "Ches, hang on here. You're asking me out?"
"Yeah. Not great timing, I know. Well, absolutely lousy timing, actually, but ... you don't have to, obviously, I just thought I'd ask while I had the chance, you know ..."
Chesney's role in this story is 'lightning rod'. I didn't want to be bothered with suggestions that I should pair Tonks off with whatever canon character people wanted to pair her off with (because a previous affair with anyone we knew about seemed an unlikely dynamic given OotP) -- but neither did I want to suggest that she was a somehow sexless. Hence the introduction of an OC boyfriend and a fun, not especially serious relationship that could be assumed to have broken up by any time made necessary by canon, and at the latest by the beginning of OotP.
He was meant to be a rather smoother character originally -- but as I may have mentioned elsewhere, at first I gave him a different surname, that of someone I knew at Uni randomly pulled out of the air. Naturally, the personality of the chap concerned (a lovely bloke but a bit hapless) started to take Chesney over ... I switched the surname in a desperate attempt to stop this process, but it didn't really work.
That being said, he did get worked into the plot in a few places. Although when I started this I actually wanted to have a number of characters wander on and play scenes without having a role on the plot later, on the grounds that it would seem more realistic, I've ended up trying to refer back to them on the grounds that it works better in the context of a story.
Actually, as of chapter 33 (just posted at CoS) he's now a canon character with a line or two -- I was idly flicking through the OotP St Mungo's scene and saw something that I couldn't resist writing in a reference to. ;)
"Why me?" she asked cautiously. His face fell.
"Ah, like that, eh? Because ... well, you're single, attractive, and I like you? Pretty much the standard reasons really." He grinned, although he looked a little disappointed underneath..
Ah yes, the 'why me' don't-want-to-be-unkind play-for-time kind of reaction to being asked out. Other fellows of my acquaintance with whom I have discussed this sort of thing concur that a simple 'No' is really far easier to take and less galling. :D
Of course, the answer here has to be 'OK then' for plot reasons ... It is lousy timing on Chesney's part, but then it was lousy timing on the author's part too. I just couldn't find another place to work it in that gave them time to get to know each other enough to spark an interest before he asked. And anyway -- as we now know, Tonks maybe isn't too fussed about whether situations constitute bad timing or not. :)
"Well ..." Rhiannon sighed, but described her evening succinctly, with a smoothness borne of having had plenty of practice already that night. When she'd finished, Tonks stared at her in open-mouthed disbelief.
"Ooookay ... let me see if I got this. Whoever cast it was right next to the Boy-Who-Lived and his mates at the time, and used his wand. And the wand was in the hands of the only person you found on the scene of the crime, which was Barty Crouch's house-elf, who claimed she didn't know anything. Then Crouch took her into custody personally without letting you interrogate her, and promised to clothe her as punishment?"
I considered having Tonks be part of the group who Apparated into the wood, but I couldn't square it with the "ooh, he looks just like I thought he would" line at Privet Drive. And it would have given her too much 'focus' in the central canon story, and if she had been there it would probably have been mentioned in OotP anyway. So I made what was on balance a very good decision to have her out on the campsite instead. However, I couldn't resist having some mention worked in -- hence Rhiannon Davies was despatched there. I imagine that the summary of events really would sound bizarre to an Auror who wasn't there.
I really hope so, thought Tonks as she settled down. After tonight's shenanigans, it might be sweet nightmares.
A tricky chapter to finish -- this line seemed as good a way as any.
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Date: 2005-12-20 10:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-22 08:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-22 09:41 pm (UTC)I read your commentary today - am drunk again so will comment tomorrow, but very interesting. And no, I am not always drunk. And this is just two glasses of wine, but that's enough for glorious woolliness in the brain department.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 04:00 pm (UTC)------------------------------
To See My Nakedness
At the sunrise, the wolf became a man. Moments later, so did the dog, helping his trembling companion reach their bed.
"Thanks," said the exhausted wolf-man, adding after a moment, "There's no-one else I'd allow to see my nakedness?"
"Pined for me twelve years, Moony?" said the dog-man lightly.
The wolf-man smiled. "Yes ... but no. This isn't my nakedness. That" -- he gestured disgustedly to where the wolf had lain -- "that is my nakedness."
The dog-man's kiss was sweet, yet bitter. "And me here, trapped and crazy -- this is my nakedness ... There's no-one else I'd let see this either."