I really must get one of those alternative editions ...

[snorkackcatcher]

Via the Daily Snitch, another of those bizarre but strangely entertaining essays that make you think "um, OK, I obviously got a different edition of the book to you" -- a dieGinnydie rant that hits all the key points:

-- ritual "I just don't care about her" disclaimer to begin
-- "Her character is portrayed as being so perfect"
-- long list of flaws of this perfect character
-- "nobody notices any of this"
-- bonus explanation of why Draco is more sympathetic than Harry because he's paid for his mistakes

I think my favourite part was the suggestion that Ginny had better not cross the Patil twins, who as the Queen Bees of Hogwarts would slap her down and then put the word out to have her shunned. Riiight. Another bit missing from my copy. I thought HBP felt about a hundred pages short ...

Must check eBay to see if anyone's selling one of those alternative editions.

(I didn't comment. Wouldn't be nice.)


ETA: Post linked to above now flocked. I guess other people did comment.

Comments

[lazy-neutrino.livejournal.com]

Which of the variant Snape editions did you get? I got one where he actually killed Dumbledore, but not everyone seems to have that one.

[snorkackcatcher]

I got the special Snapefan edition in which it explains how he was really doing it on Dumbledore's orders. :)

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

The one where he had clean hair, and a sunny nature? And bred angora kittens and spaniel puppies - and not for potions ingredients either?

[snorkackcatcher]

Well that would just be silly. :)

(I would be quite surprised if Snape turns out to have been a committed Bad Guy all this time, though. Just too much happens that doesn't seem to fit with that theory. Ambiguous and keeping his options open, yes.)

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

Well that would just be silly. :)

OK, it's a fair cop.

Just one kitten? Pleeeeeease?

(I would be quite surprised if Snape turns out to have been a committed Bad Guy all this time, though. Just too much happens that doesn't seem to fit with that theory. Ambiguous and keeping his options open, yes.)

I sometimes wonder if JKR is playing a horrible joke on all of us, and we're never going to hear from him again...

Then I remember that she's got better things to do than bait the fandom (whatever the more batshit end of it thinks).

I suspect you're probably right. But there's not much to go on - which is why I find the people who screech his innocence from the rooftops disturbing. This in spite of having written "The Hall of Heroes", and finished it even after HBP came out... Must be my angora-kitten-rearing streak coming out again.

[parthenia14.livejournal.com]

What is it with the Ginnyhate? I saw that rant and something about it (possibly 3 screens of closely-argued vitriol) made me go for the Back button. OMG! She's so ... impulsive, bitchy, prone to jump to conclusions... she must be perfect!

I don't mind the argument that Harry/Ginny is bungled (although I think it's deliberate) but the hate just confuses me.

I may need to re-read HBP soon, because the character discussion is getting confusing, and I want to check my theory that Tonks is a plot point in HBP, that sets up something for Book 7. *eyetwitch*

[snorkackcatcher]

I want to check my theory that Tonks is a plot point in HBP, that sets up something for Book 7

Well, honestly. Don't you know she was just there to push an anti-feminist agenda? Or something. :)

(Seriously, Remus/Tonks does seem like it has some nice parallels to Harry/Ginny. And Metamorphosing has surely got to come into play somewhere.)

[parthenia14.livejournal.com]

It wasn't so much the Metamorphosing - although obviously it could be, on the 2-books-ahead clue rule - it was the 'duh, don't you know a Patronus can change...' thing. Otherwise, why have it at all?

My batshit theory was that Remus/Tonks was introduced entirely to piss off the Remus/Sirius tribes (well, since JKR nominated Immeritus for a fansite award, I'm assuming she had a little look around.

[parthenia14.livejournal.com]

OMG, I went and read the entire essay. Hahahahaha. Oh.

I like the bit about the poster having to look up "Phlegm" in the dictionary.

I haven't read the comments, but I wonder if someone has taken her aside gently and said a) they're not real, you know; or b) have you ever considered that you may be intended to read this stuff at more than one level - that you may, indeed, be having your buttons pushed by the author?

And the Patil twins?

*dies*

[snorkackcatcher]

I like the bit about the poster having to look up "Phlegm" in the dictionary.

That was the bit that really made me wonder if she actually was doing satire. I guess not though.

[maple-clef.livejournal.com]

who as the Queen Bees of Hogwarts would slap her down and then put the word out to have her shunned

Dude. The Patil twins are Valley girls?! Who knew ;)

I read as much of the essay as was necessary to check it wasn't a joke (the first paragraph) and vamoosed.

[snorkackcatcher]

I was kind of hoping it was a joke, and that some Gun-style hyperbole would appear, just because it's amazing to see people missing the point so badly. (Oh well, she's only 16 or something. Give her time.)

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

Actually, that post is only a mild example of missing the point compared to the one before it, in which she argues that the pureblood supremacists have the right idea, on the stunningly unshakable evidence that she would rather have dinner at the Malfoys' house than the Weasleys'. And she uses the word "prejudism" a lot.

[jesspallas.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes. Prejudism. As defined in the Oxbridge Dictionary of Mangled English as: Any opinion that can be summarised by the subtext "I'm right and you're wrong so it doesn't need to be logical or reasonable, nahnahnahnahnahnah, you're talking sense but I'M NOT LISTENING because I know everything and everyone else is STUPID!!!!!!!!"

*ahem* I appear to have left the house in my sarcastic coat today...;)

[snorkackcatcher]

Mmm. I skimmed the essay on how Draco and Pansy have a much better relationship than Harry and Ginny (because obviously we get so much more detail about Draco/Pansy than we do about Harry/Ginny), but I must have missed that bit. :) Not really surprised though.

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

That was a different essay. She writes a lot of essays.

[gunderpants.livejournal.com]

Damn, that's what happens when you don't beat your kids; they think that their stupid-ass conclusions have validity.

[snorkackcatcher]

Absolutely. If I ever have kids, I shall have to remember to thrash them unmercifully just in case. Or if I'm feeling particularly sadistic, force them to listen to Westlife CDs for hours. That'll learn 'em.

[jesspallas.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking of starting a collection of the various editions of HBP and summarising their contents on the internet so that all of fandom shall understand the viewpoints of the others and peace and harmony shall reign throughout the land as we all watch the pretty flying pigs doing their formation laps of the moon whilst eating tapioca and wearing green lacy underwear...;)

I would pay good money to see what your comment would have been. ;)

[snorkackcatcher]

I thought vaguely about commenting, but so much in that post missed the point by about a mile a comment would have turned into an essay, and it just wasn't worth getting into an argument over. And as I said above -- it's apparently coming from someone who's about 16 and will probably wise up eventually. (Although that's no reason not to roll the eyes and laugh at it in other LJs, of course. :D)

[snorkackcatcher]

Just read that, and yeah -- some solid points (albeit ones probably intended by the author, I imagine, such as the way various actions come back to bite Harry & Co in the rear), but also a lot of OTT Draco-love and Harry-hate. (And various other not-quite-right words!) Oh well.

[eccentricpirate.livejournal.com]

Hullo. I have been reading one of your fics (NTLJ), and I happened to stumble into your LJ... I wondered if you would object if I friended you? Thanks so much!
-eccentricpirate

[snorkackcatcher]

Sure, friend away! I'll do the same if that's OK.

[eccentricpirate.livejournal.com]

That would be awesome, and I would be honoured to have you friend me! :)